Call it a New Years Resolution, call it steps to healing, but I’ve decided it is helpful to me to get some of my thoughts out into the world, and even it touches one other human in a positive way, it’s worth it.
So everyone has one main thing they struggle with, mine is looking back and thinking “I did what?!, omg no.” In almost those exact words. Dramatic maybe. I obviously remember what I did, but it’s grasping the idea that it’s a part of my story. My therapist calls it shame, but that sounds sad, and I don’t like to be sad so I’m calling it a lack of understanding. Sometimes I think we make certain decisions or take certain paths that we aren’t really sure we wanted, so inevitably we “regret” them, but regret is also not my favorite word because I mean, is it really regret if we picked ourselves back up and learned a thing or two. Not really.
Without going into the juicy details, because they really are juicy and I’m not sure I’m ready for all of that…but I have portions of my life that are for sure Lifetime movie worthy. Like get your bag of popcorn, ice cream, crunch bites, whatever, sit back and enjoy the show. After some seriously deep soul searching, it is something that I’ve actually found a way to embrace. On this day, coming to end of 2018, I have 4 healthy, smart, beautiful children and a job I could have never believed I would succeed at.
There are always consequences though, and fair enough, (sometimes feels like hell), but it doesn’t have to mean there’s a giant unmovable roadblock dropped down in front of you. So next time you look back and think “OMG I did what?!”…shake it off, you did that thing you did, went through that thing you went through and it’s ok, because knowledge of life experience (even if it sucks) is priceless.
My kids aren’t going to be perfect, but they will know it’s ok to make mistakes, and it’s even better to learn from them. They’ve watched me make plenty of mistakes, but they’ve also seen me come right back full speed like a Mack truck and kick it’s a$$.
PS. The opinions of others on your life can be really great with good intention, but they can also be harmful. I always try and respect the opinions of others until it affects the peace that I work so hard for.
Know your truth.
“You can’t skip chapters, that’s not how life works.
Stories keep the world revolving. Live yours, don’t miss out.”